Doctor-related Humor Gifts

'Is there ANY good news, Doctor?' 'Well, you don't need to worry about scraping by on a pension.'

Oh, good - Looks like the doctor's in.

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

Ice Cream Surgeon

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

PSA Banter.

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

Happy Birthday to you.

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

'That was creepy. They ran short on cadavers, so we operated on the dean of students.'

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'The doctor says he's going to have to give you a few more tests...'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

World Cup Fever

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

Operating Room Humor. Why are anesthesiologists assumed to be honest? Because numb-ers don't lie!

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

'You have an enlarged funny bone.'

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

'Time for your pills.'

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

Doctor to patient: 'While I'm back here, let's try a little something I learned when I was a ventriloquist.'