Doctor-patient Humor Gifts

'You can discuss sexual failure with me Mr Harmsworth, I'm trained not to laugh.'

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

Ice Cream Surgeon

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

PSA Banter.

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

Happy Birthday to you.

'That was creepy. They ran short on cadavers, so we operated on the dean of students.'

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'The doctor says he's going to have to give you a few more tests...'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

'The doctor will acknowlege your existance now.'

Doctor to patient: 'While I'm back here, let's try a little something I learned when I was a ventriloquist.'

Operating Room Humor. Why are anesthesiologists assumed to be honest? Because numb-ers don't lie!

World Cup Fever

"Gross."

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

'Time for your pills.'

'Long shift?'

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

'You have an enlarged funny bone.'

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother