Patients Finding Humor Gifts

'Tell the doctor to take his time -- I'm feeling better already.'

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

"I stand corrected."

To encourage patients to take their medication, Dr. Gratner brought in a sketch artist to show them what they will look like in six months without meds.

'If it doesn't itch, why worry?'

'My doctor told me avoid any unnecessary stress, so I didn't visit him today.'

'Snap out of it.'

Prescriptions: "Jack of Clubs?"

'I told you nothing was out of joint but your nose.'

Doctor's poker.

Healthy Eating Casualties

"...and how about you, Wellington? Does this smell funny to you?"

'It's me, Jack Gurkenman! I'm your ophthalmologist with the broken left ankle, doctor!'

Infant care worker is exhausted from sex injuries at hospital.

"There was nothing you could do. It's not your fault if the patient doesn't show for the operation!"

Neuro Surgery. Staff only. Sorry, that took longer than I expected --- He has a lot of nerve!

"Ok, first off... ever have one of those days when you just can't seem to do anything right?"

'Could you turn up the volume a little?'

"Dr. Jenkins was too cheap to buy a state-of-the-art EHR system so he bought this at a public library auction instead."

"My Doctor said I needed more exercise so I jogged down to the donut shop."

'Wake up! You've got to take a new disability test...'

'He can't refer you to me... I referred you to him.'

'Good news! That spot is B-9!'

'Elizabeth, dangit, woman you are testing my patients.'

'You're six months late. I hope you brought a note from your doctor.'

"....And Mother Yancy will be assisting the reattachment team this morning..."

"Just relax and hold still."

"Thanks for curing my multiple personality disorder, Doc... How much do we owe you?"

"He's losing his will to pay!"

Pope fed by nasal tub.

'The good news is the diseases you've mangaed to avoid far outnumber the diseases you've got.'

"I hope for your sake that my watch stopped!"

'Scratch yourself a couple of times and call me in the morning.'

All New Prescriptions Require FBI Approval.

'I can't fill this prescription. Your doctor forgot to write, pretty please.'