Patients Finding Humor Gifts

'Tell the doctor to take his time -- I'm feeling better already.'

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

"I stand corrected."

'If it doesn't itch, why worry?'

'My doctor told me avoid any unnecessary stress, so I didn't visit him today.'

'Snap out of it.'

Prescriptions: "Jack of Clubs?"

'I told you nothing was out of joint but your nose.'

Doctor's poker.

Healthy Eating Casualties

"...and how about you, Wellington? Does this smell funny to you?"

Infant care worker is exhausted from sex injuries at hospital.

'It's me, Jack Gurkenman! I'm your ophthalmologist with the broken left ankle, doctor!'

"My Doctor said I needed more exercise so I jogged down to the donut shop."

"Dr. Jenkins was too cheap to buy a state-of-the-art EHR system so he bought this at a public library auction instead."

'Could you turn up the volume a little?'

"There was nothing you could do. It's not your fault if the patient doesn't show for the operation!"

'Wake up! You've got to take a new disability test...'

'He can't refer you to me... I referred you to him.'

'Elizabeth, dangit, woman you are testing my patients.'

'You're six months late. I hope you brought a note from your doctor.'

"Just relax and hold still."

"....And Mother Yancy will be assisting the reattachment team this morning..."

'The good news is the diseases you've mangaed to avoid far outnumber the diseases you've got.'

"He's losing his will to pay!"

Pope fed by nasal tub.

"Thanks for curing my multiple personality disorder, Doc... How much do we owe you?"

"I hope for your sake that my watch stopped!"

'Scratch yourself a couple of times and call me in the morning.'

All New Prescriptions Require FBI Approval.

'It started with a headache, but not I've got a bedsore from sitting so long in this waiting room!'

'I can't fill this prescription. Your doctor forgot to write, pretty please.'