Patient With A Sense Of Humor Gifts

"The bad news is you do have a lump the size of a golf ball. The good news is my tests indicate it's just a golf ball."

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

"I'll be fielding any questions you may have and my assistant, Carol, will be googling the answer."

'Good news! Throwing yourself at the mercy of the cholesterol seems to have worked.'

"That's right - 'What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.' You just keep on thinking that..."

'My doctor told me avoid any unnecessary stress, so I didn't visit him today.'

Fly Hospital: "Just a slight stinging then you'll be fast asleep."

Locum GP's to be paid for extra work on the BMA agreement

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

'Are you writing my symptoms, or is that your autobiography?'

"Doctors, Gilby, Beam and Henson. Ears, nose and throat."

Surgery Instructions.

The New Age Dentist.

"They used to call them G.P.s."

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."

Fish swimming around inside drip.

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

"We've determined that it sucks to be you."

Infant care worker is exhausted from sex injuries at hospital.

"If you don't feel better in a few days give me a call and I'll completely ignore you."

'I told you we should have packed a lunch.'

'My speciality is referring patients to the right specialist.'

"My Doctor said I needed more exercise so I jogged down to the donut shop."

Nurse cautioning a patient

Neuro Surgery. Staff only. Sorry, that took longer than I expected --- He has a lot of nerve!

"And I suppost you've never had a friendly wager with a colleague?"

"These aspirin are for me. That patient in room 102 is a real pain!"

"Let's not talk about your diagnosis. It depresses me too much."

'Nurse, has the staff been eating in pre-op again? There's mayonnaise on the scalpel.'

'You wanted a second opinion?'

'Regarding the surgery you just had - I hope you have a good sense of humour.'

'I had a stomach ache, so I took bicarb of soda and went to bed early. Did I do the right thing?'

'Spin GP'

"I see there's been an improvement in your athlete's foot."

'If you're tired of only hearing good news or bad news, we're running a special on 'meh' news.'