Fun-loving Patient Gifts

'Regarding the surgery you just had - I hope you have a good sense of humour.'

'Good news! Throwing yourself at the mercy of the cholesterol seems to have worked.'

'Off hand I'd say she needs re-stuffing.'

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

'All of our Little Doctor medical kits are on sale. Since the Healthcare bill passed, sales of the kits have been poor.'

"That's right - 'What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.' You just keep on thinking that..."

'My doctor told me avoid any unnecessary stress, so I didn't visit him today.'

'Maggots.' - playing doctor

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

Kid to sister: 'I never play doctor anymore. There's too much paperwork.'

'Admit it,you've been bothering the nurses again,haven't you?

The New Age Dentist.

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

"So Dr. Gracie...how are your patients today?"

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

"I've never felt better in my life."

'What do you mean, I get a reprieve from my wife's cooking? My wife is a cook here at the hospital.'

Give it to me straight, Doc — what's the bottom line?

"My Doctor said I needed more exercise so I jogged down to the donut shop."

'The plastic funnel will keep him from biting his stitches.'

'We're out of sugar pills, so I'm giving you some M&M's.'

Neuro Surgery. Staff only. Sorry, that took longer than I expected --- He has a lot of nerve!

'I had a stomach ache, so I took bicarb of soda and went to bed early. Did I do the right thing?'

"I see there's been an improvement in your athlete's foot."

"First one to peek pays the other's malpractice premiums for the year."

"He's losing his will to pay!"

"Don't be alarmed! The Doctor's chiropractor recommended he work like this!"

'Pick something you can tolerate from this list of side effects and I'll prescribe something appropriate.'

"Health insurance? Waking up breathing each morning is my health insurance!"

'Very funny!'

Man sitting in hospital bed notices a Goldfish swimming in his Intravenous Bag.

Hospital patient using his thermometer on the remote control.

"Does your tooth still hurt?"

"The bad news is you do have a lump the size of a golf ball. The good news is my tests indicate it's just a golf ball."