Fun-loving Healthcare Worker Gifts

'The plastic funnel will keep him from biting his stitches.'

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

Happy Birthday to you.

'Good news! Throwing yourself at the mercy of the cholesterol seems to have worked.'

Fly Hospital: "Just a slight stinging then you'll be fast asleep."

'Don't be alarmed - I'm a proctologist.'

Disorderlies

Desk boxes: 'In', 'Out', and 'What ever'.

Just Browsing.

'Maintenance to the O.R....Maintenance to the O.R....'

'I told you we should have packed a lunch.'

"Your appointment's been cancelled. You took too long filling out those forms."

Transplant delivery

"Old Mrs. Cranshaw is next, Doctor. Better put on your white jacket."

"These aspirin are for me. That patient in room 102 is a real pain!"

"Let's not talk about your diagnosis. It depresses me too much."

Nurse cautioning a patient

Plastic Surgery

'Nurse, has the staff been eating in pre-op again? There's mayonnaise on the scalpel.'

'Regarding the surgery you just had - I hope you have a good sense of humour.'

'Doctor will you step out here and adjust Mr. Hendrick's pacemaker?'

'The amputation went well Mr. Johnstone but we have had one slight hiccup.'

Surgeon with hearts on his shirt.

'Sorry, we don't know as much as we'd like to about warming a stethoscope.'

'Yes, I suppose it's worth a try - after all we have nothing to lose.'

'I've mislaid a scalpel.'

Reflex testing

"If she still feels pain with the regular placebo, we try again withe extra-strength placebo!"

'Fortunately, the virus is dormant. Just be careful you don't wake it up.'

"The next patient is complaining of a running nose."

"Mildly invasive. At most we'll be using a comb."

"They said it'd take time to expel the air pumped in during the procedure"

"Anyone else for a prostate test?"

'Take 2 of these pills last thing at night. And 2 if you wake up in the morning.'

'Where should I put the dirty bed linen?' 'On the beds.'