Funny Healthcare Worker Gifts

Plastic Surgery

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

Happy Birthday to you.

Disorderlies

'Don't be alarmed - I'm a proctologist.'

'On second thought, you can go home anytime you want, big fella.'

Just Browsing.

'Maintenance to the O.R....Maintenance to the O.R....'

'I told you we should have packed a lunch.'

"Your appointment's been cancelled. You took too long filling out those forms."

"Old Mrs. Cranshaw is next, Doctor. Better put on your white jacket."

'Dr. Frisinger thinks he may have left a clamp in you.'

"Let's not talk about your diagnosis. It depresses me too much."

'The plastic funnel will keep him from biting his stitches.'

"These aspirin are for me. That patient in room 102 is a real pain!"

'He still doesn't know how serious an amputation he's had, nurse, so try not to act too shocked.'

'Nurse, has the staff been eating in pre-op again? There's mayonnaise on the scalpel.'

'That's it for today. If you have any questions, ask the nurse. I can't hear a thing with these ear plugs in.'

'Doctor will you step out here and adjust Mr. Hendrick's pacemaker?'

'The amputation went well Mr. Johnstone but we have had one slight hiccup.'

Surgeon with hearts on his shirt.

'Sorry, we don't know as much as we'd like to about warming a stethoscope.'

'Yes, I suppose it's worth a try - after all we have nothing to lose.'

"This is really a hospital with a touch of class. They collect urine samples in champagne glasses."

'You have the new disease that terrifies the medical community... It's cure is easy and cheap.'

'I've mislaid a scalpel.'

"They said it'd take time to expel the air pumped in during the procedure"

'You call all this a side-effect?'

"The next patient is complaining of a running nose."

'Fortunately, the virus is dormant. Just be careful you don't wake it up.'

Covid Cycle

"Anyone else for a prostate test?"

'Where should I put the dirty bed linen?' 'On the beds.'

'According to the films, it appears I've left an instrument inside you. Luckily, I can fix that in Photoshop.'

"We got the results back from the post-mortem. It appears he was still alive before we started it."