Humorous Hospital Worker Gifts

Surgeon with hearts on his shirt.

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

Happy Birthday to you.

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

An organ flies across the room during an operation - 'Catch it...!'

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

"Your IQ came back negative."

"Sorry, new style pain killer. It's the cut-backs I'm afraid."

Big slipper.

"His wife and family will decide on the course of treatment, but, as his ex, feel free to open up a few old wounds."

"Would you like to see today's liquidized menu?"

'How the heck could we lose a $14,000 pacemaker?!'

"We're a bit understaffed today, could you be 6 people?"

'Perhaps I was a bit too graphic in describing the surgical procedure.'

Scared husband needs to have scans done in children's exam room.

'Don't be alarmed - I'm a proctologist.'

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

Disorderlies

The nurses here are so slow. Could this blanket be any thinner? The buttons on the tv remote are too darn small. Although her health had improved, Mabel's condition remained critical.

'Get this, Dr. Melroy just asked my opinion.'

"The doctors say you're not doing enough to diagnose yourself."

"I'm in for observation."

'On second thought, you can go home anytime you want, big fella.'

'He's got great bedside manner.'

'I'd like to be fed intravenously. I've heard about your hospital food!'

He's got a long painful road to recovery. Those are pretty severe burns. In the meantime, try to keep him upbeat to avoid depression. Then again, we can't exactly have him walking on sunshine either... That's what got him here.