Healthcare Worker Jokes Gifts

'You can discuss sexual failure with me Mr Harmsworth, I'm trained not to laugh.'

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

Happy Birthday to you.

'The doctor will acknowlege your existance now.'

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

'Don't be alarmed - I'm a proctologist.'

Disorderlies

'On second thought, you can go home anytime you want, big fella.'

Just Browsing.

'Maintenance to the O.R....Maintenance to the O.R....'

'I told you we should have packed a lunch.'

"Your appointment's been cancelled. You took too long filling out those forms."

'Dr. Frisinger thinks he may have left a clamp in you.'

"Old Mrs. Cranshaw is next, Doctor. Better put on your white jacket."

Plastic Surgery

'He still doesn't know how serious an amputation he's had, nurse, so try not to act too shocked.'

"Let's not talk about your diagnosis. It depresses me too much."

'Nurse, has the staff been eating in pre-op again? There's mayonnaise on the scalpel.'

'Doctor will you step out here and adjust Mr. Hendrick's pacemaker?'

'I warned you not to tease the tortoise.'

'The amputation went well Mr. Johnstone but we have had one slight hiccup.'

'This is his third operation in two years. I'm putting in a zipper.'

Surgeon with hearts on his shirt.

'Sorry, we don't know as much as we'd like to about warming a stethoscope.'

'Yes, I suppose it's worth a try - after all we have nothing to lose.'

'You have the new disease that terrifies the medical community... It's cure is easy and cheap.'

"He's counted backwards by fives, he's named all fifty states plus their capitals. I'm telling you, the tank's out of anesthesia."

"And there's a surcharge if you insist on annoying the doctor with any self-diagnosis you found on google."

"This is really a hospital with a touch of class. They collect urine samples in champagne glasses."

Sorry, you rolled off the table just as I was going in!

"NURSE! Are you taking the piss?"

'I've mislaid a scalpel.'

"The next patient is complaining of a running nose."

"They said it'd take time to expel the air pumped in during the procedure"