Healthcare Worker's Humor Gifts

'Maintenance to the O.R....Maintenance to the O.R....'

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

Happy Birthday to you.

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

'The doctor will acknowlege your existance now.'

'This could be a very expensive operation — I'm going to refer you to the Federal Government.'

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

'Have you heard about the new Medicare drug plan called plan C? Medicare gives you $30 for a bus ticket to Canada!'

'The Doctor says you can be discharged - so I've brought you a list of jobs you can do when you get home!'

'Don't be alarmed - I'm a proctologist.'

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

'On second thought, you can go home anytime you want, big fella.'

He said he loved her for her brain but was her appendix he was always taking out.

Nurse holding giant pill tells patient, 'Relax. It's chewable.'

"Definitely work-related."

"It's a very rare disease - it doesn't have a cure. It doesn't even have a spokesperson."

'The Nobel prize for medicine was awarded to Dr. Quentin R. Owlsey, who developed an anesthetic that leaves patients capable of writing checks.'

Just Browsing.

'The NHS believes in a carrot and stick approach to motivation...'

"Hi! My name is Kevin, and I'll be your doctor today."

'I told you we should have packed a lunch.'

'When we talk about a 'needs' led service. The 'NEED' is to stay in budget!'

"Your appointment's been cancelled. You took too long filling out those forms."

'Have you got any hip-op?'

"Old Mrs. Cranshaw is next, Doctor. Better put on your white jacket."

'These are your parking charges.'

Nurse about surgeon juggling organs: 'I think Dr. Haywood could really use a sabbatical.'

'I DID work out today, doc. Sitting all afternoon in your waiting room was a real exercise in frustration!'

'I'd like a diagnosis of the disease and a prognosis of the bill.'

Transplant delivery

'My speciality is referring patients to the right specialist.'

"Let's not talk about your diagnosis. It depresses me too much."

"Please have a seat over by the door, sir - We're looking for a volunteer to examine you."

Your body initially rejected the new kidney, but after we pumped you full of liquor, your body found the new kidney kind of attractive. We'll see what happens in the morning, though.