Quirky Healthcare Worker Gifts

'That's it for today. If you have any questions, ask the nurse. I can't hear a thing with these ear plugs in.'

Nurse with a mobile made from medicines.

Armstrong? Why did UPS just deliver a microscope, a robotic arm, a huge incubator, a nucleus extractor and a dozen lab rats? Well, it's certainly not so I can replace you with an army of clones programmed to work for free. Well

Man with money in hand reads instructions on 'Check prostate' vending machine

'On second thought, you can go home anytime you want, big fella.'

"9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer."

'Bancroft, it's time to pay the salesmen their bonuses. Would you please stop at the butchers' shop and get a few pounds of raw meat?'

'Maintenance to the O.R....Maintenance to the O.R....'

'I told you we should have packed a lunch.'

"This position may call for some occasional plumbing."

Plastic Surgery

"Let's not talk about your diagnosis. It depresses me too much."

"Why do I always get the stupid wobbly table?"

'This is a pick 'n' mix ward - you choose your own medicine.'

"Eating the mistakes is a tough job, but somebody has to do it."

'He still doesn't know how serious an amputation he's had, nurse, so try not to act too shocked.'

"These aspirin are for me. That patient in room 102 is a real pain!"

'Nurse, has the staff been eating in pre-op again? There's mayonnaise on the scalpel.'

'It's saving us a fortune on retirement costs.'

"They say every team has a member who is suffering from mental health issues. Not this team eh?!"

'I keep getting this RINGING in my ears!'

"Woodpecker gets an office job."

St Berts - Britain's first open mouth surgery in progress.

Obstetrician's office: Innies and Outies.

"Not that one...the big one on the top shelf!"

Surgeon with hearts on his shirt.

'Sorry, we don't know as much as we'd like to about warming a stethoscope.'

'Yes, I suppose it's worth a try - after all we have nothing to lose.'

Sewing for Dummies.

Pneumatic seat raised through roof.

'You have the new disease that terrifies the medical community... It's cure is easy and cheap.'

'Tests indicate you may be susceptible to the H1-N1 virus'

Dr. Potato Head

"I enjoy the pearls of folksy wisdom as much as the next guy, but what, exactly, does he do around here?"

Will work for a refill.