Quirky Employee Gifts

'Bancroft, it's time to pay the salesmen their bonuses. Would you please stop at the butchers' shop and get a few pounds of raw meat?'

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

'I hope you replace your divots.'

'This is impressive, Roberts, but I'm not sure that it qualifies as work-place leadership.'

"I don't consider a missing four million dollars to be 'monkeyshines'."

'Ms. Moffit, please inform the staff that I have morphed and send in that plump young marketing trainee.'

"That's Arnie, our resident meeting moth. He doesn't have an office... Just flits all day from one meeting to another. And be careful: he's got a thing for wool!"

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

"When all else fails, blow darts still get their attention."

Office: Empowerment Drawer.

"Jenkins, come in and pull up a bean bag."

Melvin likes to indulge his inner child.

Cat Boss

"Ah, Stevens—sit anywhere."

"The boss is the fatherly type. He never fires anybody."

"Good to have you aboard. Now, let's meet some of the oddballs weirdos and eccentrics you'll be working with."

'Your loyalty to the company is exemplary, Potter, but we'll have to let you go if you can't stop chewing up the conference room furniture!'

'Don't forget our 'Bargain basement', sir.'

'Thanks for making it guys. Come on in and pull up a chair.' A square hole in an office floor where chairs can be pulled up from

Self-Employment

Exciting suggestion in 'suggestion box'.

"The Help Desk guy says to try Ctrl-Alt-Delete....!"

'Now THIS is my idea of a creative department.'

"This position may call for some occasional plumbing."

"Eating the mistakes is a tough job, but somebody has to do it."

"This one is less distracting."

"Damn it, Bershire, I've told you to never call me when I'm in my executive ball pit!"

'It's saving us a fortune on retirement costs.'

'Now, now, Mancini, we all have to start somewhere!'

"They say every team has a member who is suffering from mental health issues. Not this team eh?!"

'The printer repair guy.'

'That's it for today. If you have any questions, ask the nurse. I can't hear a thing with these ear plugs in.'

'Waiter, a café with chairs, tables and two coffees please!'

"Woodpecker gets an office job."