Quirky Employee Gifts

Will work for a refill.

'Bancroft, it's time to pay the salesmen their bonuses. Would you please stop at the butchers' shop and get a few pounds of raw meat?'

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

'I hope you replace your divots.'

Armstrong? Why did UPS just deliver a microscope, a robotic arm, a huge incubator, a nucleus extractor and a dozen lab rats? Well, it's certainly not so I can replace you with an army of clones programmed to work for free. Well

'This is impressive, Roberts, but I'm not sure that it qualifies as work-place leadership.'

'Ms. Moffit, please inform the staff that I have morphed and send in that plump young marketing trainee.'

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

"I don't consider a missing four million dollars to be 'monkeyshines'."

"That's Arnie, our resident meeting moth. He doesn't have an office... Just flits all day from one meeting to another. And be careful: he's got a thing for wool!"

"When all else fails, blow darts still get their attention."

Office: Empowerment Drawer.

"Jenkins, come in and pull up a bean bag."

Melvin likes to indulge his inner child.

Cat Boss

"Ah, Stevens—sit anywhere."

"The boss is the fatherly type. He never fires anybody."

"Good to have you aboard. Now, let's meet some of the oddballs weirdos and eccentrics you'll be working with."

'Thanks for making it guys. Come on in and pull up a chair.' A square hole in an office floor where chairs can be pulled up from

'Your loyalty to the company is exemplary, Potter, but we'll have to let you go if you can't stop chewing up the conference room furniture!'

'Don't forget our 'Bargain basement', sir.'

Self-Employment

Cow with Hay In Tray and Milk Out Tray.

Exciting suggestion in 'suggestion box'.

'Now THIS is my idea of a creative department.'

"The Help Desk guy says to try Ctrl-Alt-Delete....!"

"This position may call for some occasional plumbing."

"Eating the mistakes is a tough job, but somebody has to do it."

"Damn it, Bershire, I've told you to never call me when I'm in my executive ball pit!"

"This one is less distracting."

'It's saving us a fortune on retirement costs.'

'Now, now, Mancini, we all have to start somewhere!'

'That's it for today. If you have any questions, ask the nurse. I can't hear a thing with these ear plugs in.'

"They say every team has a member who is suffering from mental health issues. Not this team eh?!"

'The printer repair guy.'