Quirky Office Goer Gifts

"That's Arnie, our resident meeting moth. He doesn't have an office... Just flits all day from one meeting to another. And be careful: he's got a thing for wool!"

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

Armstrong? Why did UPS just deliver a microscope, a robotic arm, a huge incubator, a nucleus extractor and a dozen lab rats? Well, it's certainly not so I can replace you with an army of clones programmed to work for free. Well

'I hope you replace your divots.'

'It's my spare tire. Why do you ask?'

"When all else fails, blow darts still get their attention."

Office: Empowerment Drawer.

"Jenkins, come in and pull up a bean bag."

Office supplies - Notebooks, memo pads and rap sheets.

"Ah, Stevens—sit anywhere."

'I can't say I like your cavalier attitude Benson.'

You don't have to be mad to work here but Mwaaark!

Self-Employment

'Your loyalty to the company is exemplary, Potter, but we'll have to let you go if you can't stop chewing up the conference room furniture!'

"My heavens, Bentley ... we've found it. A Silicon Valley headquarters without a slide."

'The cow mooed, the pig oinked, the chicken clucked, I baaed and then we adjourned.'

Exciting suggestion in 'suggestion box'.

'Bancroft, it's time to pay the salesmen their bonuses. Would you please stop at the butchers' shop and get a few pounds of raw meat?'

"This position may call for some occasional plumbing."

"This one is less distracting."

Toilet Tissue Typist.

"Eating the mistakes is a tough job, but somebody has to do it."

Much to the surprise of all his colleagues, Gavin concluded the lunchtime presentation on company expansion with a rather eccentric song and dance act.

Working from home.

"There are mysteries up here on the 13th floor. Like who keeps locking the exit door? Why is that clock always 12 minutes fast? And who actually eats the liverwurst sandwiches from that machine?"

Play Ball!

'It's saving us a fortune on retirement costs.'

'Now, now, Mancini, we all have to start somewhere!'

A woman sits in an office of the Food and Drug Administration in - out boxes marked MMMM Good and Oh - Bad.

"All staff are equal...but some are more equal than others!"

'The printer repair guy.'

"They say every team has a member who is suffering from mental health issues. Not this team eh?!"

'May I play through please?'

'Sorry Mr Bed-Bug, but I don't have any seedy hotel jobs available right now...'

"Woodpecker gets an office job."