Quirky Office Workers Gifts

'Your loyalty to the company is exemplary, Potter, but we'll have to let you go if you can't stop chewing up the conference room furniture!'

"When all else fails, blow darts still get their attention."

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

Armstrong? Why did UPS just deliver a microscope, a robotic arm, a huge incubator, a nucleus extractor and a dozen lab rats? Well, it's certainly not so I can replace you with an army of clones programmed to work for free. Well

'It's my spare tire. Why do you ask?'

"That's Arnie, our resident meeting moth. He doesn't have an office... Just flits all day from one meeting to another. And be careful: he's got a thing for wool!"

'Ms. Moffit, please inform the staff that I have morphed and send in that plump young marketing trainee.'

Office: Empowerment Drawer.

"Jenkins, come in and pull up a bean bag."

Office supplies - Notebooks, memo pads and rap sheets.

"Ah, Stevens—sit anywhere."

'Botox.'

"I now represent both death and taxes."

You don't have to be mad to work here but Mwaaark!

Self-Employment

"My heavens, Bentley ... we've found it. A Silicon Valley headquarters without a slide."

'Bancroft, it's time to pay the salesmen their bonuses. Would you please stop at the butchers' shop and get a few pounds of raw meat?'

"I apologize, sir, but I'm having trouble finding a technician willing to come out and remove the insidious fire creature from your computer."

Exciting suggestion in 'suggestion box'.

"This position may call for some occasional plumbing."

Toilet Tissue Typist.

Much to the surprise of all his colleagues, Gavin concluded the lunchtime presentation on company expansion with a rather eccentric song and dance act.

"Eating the mistakes is a tough job, but somebody has to do it."

Working from home.

"This one is less distracting."

"There are mysteries up here on the 13th floor. Like who keeps locking the exit door? Why is that clock always 12 minutes fast? And who actually eats the liverwurst sandwiches from that machine?"

Play Ball!

'It's saving us a fortune on retirement costs.'

'Now, now, Mancini, we all have to start somewhere!'

"All staff are equal...but some are more equal than others!"

"They say every team has a member who is suffering from mental health issues. Not this team eh?!"

'The printer repair guy.'

"Woodpecker gets an office job."

"The myth of Sisyphus fact-checked • Real name 'Manny' • 40-hour workweek • Weekends off • 'Sisyphus' used stand-ins • 'Boulder' made of papier-mâché *Actual slope"

You don't have to be crazy to work here. WE CAN TRAIN YOU.