Quirky Colleague Gifts

'Believe me, McFarland, I can appreciate a man who marches to the beat of a different Drum, but you don't march, you boogie!'

"We don't have job titles here. Not only that, we don't even use our names. Actually, I don't even work here. To be honest, this is probably all a dream."

'Thanks for making it guys. Come on in and pull up a chair.' A square hole in an office floor where chairs can be pulled up from

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

'Don't mention the piece of onion on his chin, or the custard on his tie.'

Melvin likes to indulge his inner child.

'Hey, way to go, Sid! New horn rims!'

"Grunzman, I wonder if you're extremely flexible or if you're just an ordinary brown-noser..."

"I appreciate you as a co-worker, but do you always have to play 'Help Is On The Way' by Little River Band?!"

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

Armstrong? Why did UPS just deliver a microscope, a robotic arm, a huge incubator, a nucleus extractor and a dozen lab rats? Well, it's certainly not so I can replace you with an army of clones programmed to work for free. Well

'You'll enjoy our staff meetings. We always begin and end with the product.'

'Thank God it's Friday', thought the watercooler.

"That's Arnie, our resident meeting moth. He doesn't have an office... Just flits all day from one meeting to another. And be careful: he's got a thing for wool!"

"Look at them smiling. They've reached their comfort zone."

'It's from my staff...make sure it's not carnivorous.'

'I can't say I like your cavalier attitude Benson.'

"Good to have you aboard. Now, let's meet some of the oddballs weirdos and eccentrics you'll be working with."

'Where's your costume and team spirit? You're not paid to enjoy yourself - you should enjoy your work!'

'Botox.'

"Let's try one with your hand tucked into your shirt."

Cow with Hay In Tray and Milk Out Tray.

'You don't mind distractions as much as me, so I didn't think you'd mind if my kids played in your office today.'

'Bancroft, it's time to pay the salesmen their bonuses. Would you please stop at the butchers' shop and get a few pounds of raw meat?'

"This position may call for some occasional plumbing."

"Eating the mistakes is a tough job, but somebody has to do it."

"Lots of people have writing partners..."

Toilet Tissue Typist.

"There are mysteries up here on the 13th floor. Like who keeps locking the exit door? Why is that clock always 12 minutes fast? And who actually eats the liverwurst sandwiches from that machine?"

"This one is less distracting."

'It's saving us a fortune on retirement costs.'

A woman sits in an office of the Food and Drug Administration in - out boxes marked MMMM Good and Oh - Bad.

'May I play through please?'

"They say every team has a member who is suffering from mental health issues. Not this team eh?!"

'The printer repair guy.'