Quirky Office Colleague Gifts

"This one is less distracting."

Armstrong? Why did UPS just deliver a microscope, a robotic arm, a huge incubator, a nucleus extractor and a dozen lab rats? Well, it's certainly not so I can replace you with an army of clones programmed to work for free. Well

'Thank God it's Friday', thought the watercooler.

"When all else fails, blow darts still get their attention."

"Look at them smiling. They've reached their comfort zone."

"That's Arnie, our resident meeting moth. He doesn't have an office... Just flits all day from one meeting to another. And be careful: he's got a thing for wool!"

'It's my spare tire. Why do you ask?'

'Wow, I sure got a lot of mail today!'

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

Office: Empowerment Drawer.

'Jenkins, about these coffee breaks of yours...'

Melvin likes to indulge his inner child.

'It's from my staff...make sure it's not carnivorous.'

Office supplies - Notebooks, memo pads and rap sheets.

'I can't say I like your cavalier attitude Benson.'

'Botox.'

'Your loyalty to the company is exemplary, Potter, but we'll have to let you go if you can't stop chewing up the conference room furniture!'

'Thanks for making it guys. Come on in and pull up a chair.' A square hole in an office floor where chairs can be pulled up from

"My heavens, Bentley ... we've found it. A Silicon Valley headquarters without a slide."

"Let's try one with your hand tucked into your shirt."

Cow with Hay In Tray and Milk Out Tray.

'Bancroft, it's time to pay the salesmen their bonuses. Would you please stop at the butchers' shop and get a few pounds of raw meat?'

"This position may call for some occasional plumbing."

"Eating the mistakes is a tough job, but somebody has to do it."

Play Ball!

Toilet Tissue Typist.

Working from home.

Much to the surprise of all his colleagues, Gavin concluded the lunchtime presentation on company expansion with a rather eccentric song and dance act.

"There are mysteries up here on the 13th floor. Like who keeps locking the exit door? Why is that clock always 12 minutes fast? And who actually eats the liverwurst sandwiches from that machine?"

'It's saving us a fortune on retirement costs.'

"All staff are equal...but some are more equal than others!"

'The printer repair guy.'

'May I play through please?'

"They say every team has a member who is suffering from mental health issues. Not this team eh?!"

"Woodpecker gets an office job."