Quirky Nurse Gifts

'Tests indicate you may be susceptible to the H1-N1 virus'

"If find people express themslves more freely in traffic jams."

Egg Buggy

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

"Hiya, hiya, hiya, guy. I'm the bluebird of Prozac."

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

"Do you have a family history of this condition?"

Quick! 5-second rule!

Man with money in hand reads instructions on 'Check prostate' vending machine

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

A Wally Yomp Psychologist...Practice limited to people who are really miffed!

The Big Book of Really Hard Surgery

"9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer."

Plastic Surgery

"Why do I always get the stupid wobbly table?"

'This is a pick 'n' mix ward - you choose your own medicine.'

'That's it for today. If you have any questions, ask the nurse. I can't hear a thing with these ear plugs in.'

"He certainly brings a new dimension to keyhole surgery!"

'I can't enjoy the stuff I steal because I set fire to it all.'

"Now just relax and leave everything to Doctor Jones here. He's the best there is in the entire medical field of quackupuncture."

Obstetrician's office: Innies and Outies.

St Berts - Britain's first open mouth surgery in progress.

"Mrs. Jennings, can Billy come out and smoke?"

"I'm going to prescribe you four metres of bubble-wrap three times a day."

'It's a wonderful new drug...a sort of injectable garlic.'

'I keep getting this RINGING in my ears!'

"Not that one...the big one on the top shelf!"

'Everyone accuses me of being a 'control freak'.'

Sewing for Dummies.

Dr. Potato Head

Fakir on bed of nails reads an 'Acupuncture' book.

"Yes, hello. I'm hoping you've found a cure for my hiccups...but I'm not holding my breath!"

"The doctor is ready to maltreat you now!"

'I was skeptical at first, but it really works.'

Man in hospital hitting golf balls into a bedpan.