Quirky Patient Gifts

"The doctor is ready to maltreat you now!"

'OK, Mr. Ramsey, it says here that you have terrible pain in both feet when you walk. Well, let's take a look.'

Man in hospital hitting golf balls into a bedpan.

'I keep getting this RINGING in my ears!'

"Yesterday it was the other side, but today the side effect is this side..."

'This is a pick 'n' mix ward - you choose your own medicine.'

"I came back to see if you can lower the prescription on my corrective lenses -- they're a bit over-corrective!!!"

'This test doesn't understand me.'

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

'Harvey does all his own 'get well' cards.'

Radiology, Cardiology and Fertility Clinic.

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

'Your test results are in - and here's a first, the Lab Techs have asked to meet you.'

"Hiya, hiya, hiya, guy. I'm the bluebird of Prozac."

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

Man with money in hand reads instructions on 'Check prostate' vending machine

'Admit it,you've been bothering the nurses again,haven't you?

"I didn't raise my hand. I was just stretching."

Quick! 5-second rule!

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

Essay Paper.

The Big Book of Really Hard Surgery

"9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer."

Physics 101. An object in motion remaining in motion is an example of what law? Easy come, easy go!

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

A Mom and Pop Operation

'Eureka! It won't cure anything, but the side effects are terrific!'

Plastic Surgery

"I'm deleting history so there will be nothing to study for tomorrow's history test."

"Why do I always get the stupid wobbly table?"

'That's it for today. If you have any questions, ask the nurse. I can't hear a thing with these ear plugs in.'

"He certainly brings a new dimension to keyhole surgery!"

"We'll be using a pig's kidney in the transplant....Suit yourself, we'll try a turnip, good luck with that!"