Crafty Patient Gifts

'Harvey does all his own 'get well' cards.'

"Tell the doctor I no longer have the chills. I knitted this entire sweater in the waiting room."

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

'Good news! Throwing yourself at the mercy of the cholesterol seems to have worked.'

Radiology, Cardiology and Fertility Clinic.

'Isn't this cast great? Dr. Emily's minor was sculpture in college!'

"I don't think the crackling sound coming from your lower back is as serious as you thought. Just relax and I'll have this Rice Krispie Square out of your back pocket in no time."

'Your test results are in - and here's a first, the Lab Techs have asked to meet you.'

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

The New Age Dentist.

'Admit it,you've been bothering the nurses again,haven't you?

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

'Don't get any ideas, mister -- I recognize that look in your eye!'

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

"Sorry Mr Penrose. We forgot to shake your medicine this morning."

IV Bags: Main and Afters

'This is a pick 'n' mix ward - you choose your own medicine.'

'Regarding the surgery you just had - I hope you have a good sense of humour.'

'I had a stomach ache, so I took bicarb of soda and went to bed early. Did I do the right thing?'

"He's losing his will to pay!"

'I keep getting this RINGING in my ears!'

"Don't be alarmed! The Doctor's chiropractor recommended he work like this!"

'Pick something you can tolerate from this list of side effects and I'll prescribe something appropriate.'

"Health insurance? Waking up breathing each morning is my health insurance!"

Some patients may want to know more than others.

"So tell me doc, what's new and exciting in pharmacology these days?".

'If you experience pain and discomfort in removing the cap... double the dosage.'

"The doctor is ready to maltreat you now!"

"Does your tooth still hurt?"

Man in hospital hitting golf balls into a bedpan.

'The doctor's running a little behind, sir. If you'd prefer, you can step over to our self checkup line.'

"Yesterday it was the other side, but today the side effect is this side..."

"You're in luck. My speciality is symptoms that are just crazy."

"Yesss, I've cured many cases of hypochondria with a hypodermic."