Crafty Patient Gifts

'Harvey does all his own 'get well' cards.'

"Tell the doctor I no longer have the chills. I knitted this entire sweater in the waiting room."

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

'Good news! Throwing yourself at the mercy of the cholesterol seems to have worked.'

Radiology, Cardiology and Fertility Clinic.

"I don't think the crackling sound coming from your lower back is as serious as you thought. Just relax and I'll have this Rice Krispie Square out of your back pocket in no time."

'Isn't this cast great? Dr. Emily's minor was sculpture in college!'

'Your test results are in - and here's a first, the Lab Techs have asked to meet you.'

The New Age Dentist.

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

'Admit it,you've been bothering the nurses again,haven't you?

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

'Don't get any ideas, mister -- I recognize that look in your eye!'

"Sorry Mr Penrose. We forgot to shake your medicine this morning."

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

Neuro Surgery. Staff only. Sorry, that took longer than I expected --- He has a lot of nerve!

IV Bags: Main and Afters

'This is a pick 'n' mix ward - you choose your own medicine.'

'Regarding the surgery you just had - I hope you have a good sense of humour.'

'I had a stomach ache, so I took bicarb of soda and went to bed early. Did I do the right thing?'

'I keep getting this RINGING in my ears!'

"He's losing his will to pay!"

"Don't be alarmed! The Doctor's chiropractor recommended he work like this!"

'Pick something you can tolerate from this list of side effects and I'll prescribe something appropriate.'

"Health insurance? Waking up breathing each morning is my health insurance!"

'If you experience pain and discomfort in removing the cap... double the dosage.'

"So tell me doc, what's new and exciting in pharmacology these days?".

Some patients may want to know more than others.

"The doctor is ready to maltreat you now!"

"Does your tooth still hurt?"

Man in hospital hitting golf balls into a bedpan.

"Yesterday it was the other side, but today the side effect is this side..."

"You're in luck. My speciality is symptoms that are just crazy."

"My complaint is RARE? - y'mean none of my friends have it?"