Comical Patient Gifts

"I don't think the crackling sound coming from your lower back is as serious as you thought. Just relax and I'll have this Rice Krispie Square out of your back pocket in no time."

'Doctor, these tablets are big, what do you want me to do with them?'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

'A little more relaxant I think, nurse.'

'Good news! Throwing yourself at the mercy of the cholesterol seems to have worked.'

'Harvey does all his own 'get well' cards.'

'Everything is going to be fine, Mrs.Witzer...'

The New Age Dentist.

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

'Admit it,you've been bothering the nurses again,haven't you?

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet.

"There are some things medical science cannot explain...like where the hell our health care system is heading."

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

"It's for his shakes."

Neuro Surgery. Staff only. Sorry, that took longer than I expected --- He has a lot of nerve!

IV Bags: Main and Afters

"The small neat scar was from the surgery. The long jagged scar is where I sneezed."

"That's the hospital policy. Cashiers must be familiar with emergency shock treatment."

Open Wide The Dentist's View.

'Regarding the surgery you just had - I hope you have a good sense of humour.'

'I had a stomach ache, so I took bicarb of soda and went to bed early. Did I do the right thing?'

'What are YOU doing here?'

"He's losing his will to pay!"

"The procedure begins with a local anesthetic to your wallet."

"Don't be alarmed! The Doctor's chiropractor recommended he work like this!"

"A bit nervous.. It is your first euthanasia I presume."

'Pick something you can tolerate from this list of side effects and I'll prescribe something appropriate.'

"Health insurance? Waking up breathing each morning is my health insurance!"

Well, I've examined your stool sample, Mrs. Newton and...

"We need a doctuh!!!"

Vending Machine in Alternative Medicine Clinic

"Does your tooth still hurt?"