Funny Patient Gifts

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

'Good news! Throwing yourself at the mercy of the cholesterol seems to have worked.'

'Harvey does all his own 'get well' cards.'

"That's right - 'What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.' You just keep on thinking that..."

Radiology, Cardiology and Fertility Clinic.

"I don't think the crackling sound coming from your lower back is as serious as you thought. Just relax and I'll have this Rice Krispie Square out of your back pocket in no time."

'Your test results are in - and here's a first, the Lab Techs have asked to meet you.'

The New Age Dentist.

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

'Admit it,you've been bothering the nurses again,haven't you?

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

'Don't get any ideas, mister -- I recognize that look in your eye!'

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

"Sorry Mr Penrose. We forgot to shake your medicine this morning."

IV Bags: Main and Afters

'This is a pick 'n' mix ward - you choose your own medicine.'

'Regarding the surgery you just had - I hope you have a good sense of humour.'

'I had a stomach ache, so I took bicarb of soda and went to bed early. Did I do the right thing?'

"He's losing his will to pay!"

'I keep getting this RINGING in my ears!'

"Don't be alarmed! The Doctor's chiropractor recommended he work like this!"

'Pick something you can tolerate from this list of side effects and I'll prescribe something appropriate.'

'You have to chew your food: All this feeding-frenzy business is bad for your digestive system...'

"Health insurance? Waking up breathing each morning is my health insurance!"

"So tell me doc, what's new and exciting in pharmacology these days?".

Some patients may want to know more than others.

Dr. Potato Head

'If you experience pain and discomfort in removing the cap... double the dosage.'

"The doctor is ready to maltreat you now!"

"Does your tooth still hurt?"

Man in hospital hitting golf balls into a bedpan.

"Yesss, I've cured many cases of hypochondria with a hypodermic."

"My complaint is RARE? - y'mean none of my friends have it?"

'The doctor's running a little behind, sir. If you'd prefer, you can step over to our self checkup line.'