Funny Doctor Gifts

'I had a stomach ache, so I took bicarb of soda and went to bed early. Did I do the right thing?'

'You have to chew your food: All this feeding-frenzy business is bad for your digestive system...'

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

Happy Birthday to you.

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

'The doctor says he's going to have to give you a few more tests...'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

"That's where the pain gets me, doc."

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

'Time for your pills.'

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

"Gross."

'The doctor will acknowlege your existance now.'

'Long shift?'

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

Operating Room Humor. Why are anesthesiologists assumed to be honest? Because numb-ers don't lie!

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

Why you shouldn't date an anesthesiologist.

"Turn your head and cough."

'A little more relaxant I think, nurse.'

'You can tell your grandkids, you rode the most expensive vehicle on Earth!'

'Take two and call me from the Emergency room.'

"No, your tonsils are fine. It's all the rest of you that's knackered!"

Mobile Operations Stand.

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

"It appears your anus transplant has rejected you..."

"Darn it, lost another swab."

'I think we should cut back on the tranquilizers.'

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

'You don't need a colonoscopy, but I'm sending you for one because, quite frankly, I don't like you.'