Funny Doctor Gifts

'I had a stomach ache, so I took bicarb of soda and went to bed early. Did I do the right thing?'

'You have to chew your food: All this feeding-frenzy business is bad for your digestive system...'

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

Happy Birthday to you.

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

'The doctor will acknowlege your existance now.'

"That's where the pain gets me, doc."

'Time for your pills.'

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

'Long shift?'

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

"Gross."

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

"Turn your head and cough."

Why you shouldn't date an anesthesiologist.

'Take two and call me from the Emergency room.'

'You can tell your grandkids, you rode the most expensive vehicle on Earth!'

'A little more relaxant I think, nurse.'

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

'I think we should cut back on the tranquilizers.'

"No, your tonsils are fine. It's all the rest of you that's knackered!"

Mobile Operations Stand.

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

"Darn it, lost another swab."

"It appears your anus transplant has rejected you..."

'You don't need a colonoscopy, but I'm sending you for one because, quite frankly, I don't like you.'

'Is there a chance you will die under the anaesthetic? Well, that is the killer question.'

'It's your four basic food groups.'