Funny Doctor Advice Seeker Gifts

'If it looks good and it tastes good, it's probably bad for you!'

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

'Dr. Federson has performed this procedure so many times, he could do it blindfolded with one hand tied behind his back. Show him, doctor.'

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

'No, you don't have hemorrhoids. You have a case of himorrhoids, has your husband been a pain in the butt, lately?'

Quick! 5-second rule!

"Do you want to speak to the man in charge or the nurse who knows what's going on?"

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

The Big Book of Really Hard Surgery

"9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer."

'Hey, what do you want from me? As a primary care physician, ALL I DO is prescribe drugs and refer you to specialists.'

"I suggest you take these pills on an empty stomach."

'...Sure, I can tell you how to prevent getting old...You can lie about your age...You can smoke...And you can drive drunk...'

Oh, good - Looks like the doctor's in.

'I want to lose weight, Doctor.' - 'Eat less, then.' - 'I need it to be more complicated than that.' - 'Why?' - 'How can I justify failing if it's that simple, eh?!' - 'Gah. He's breaking me...' -

"It's cooties."

'No, no, the pills don't have any medication to improve your balance. You'll just get steadier on your feet by trying to catch pills that are thrown to you.'

'He can't refer you to me... I referred you to him.'

'I had a stomach ache, so I took bicarb of soda and went to bed early. Did I do the right thing?'

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

Tipp-kick for brain surgeons.

"Sorry, I had the hiccups."

"Unbuckle your belt, Bob."

"A specialist is a doctor with a smaller practice and a bigger home."

'You have to chew your food: All this feeding-frenzy business is bad for your digestive system...'

Have you tried drinking ?

"Yes, hello. I'm hoping you've found a cure for my hiccups...but I'm not holding my breath!"

"Take him home, have sex...Then bite his goddamn head off."

More priceless words of encouragement from the old man.