Funny Doctor Advice Seeker T-Shirts

'If it looks good and it tastes good, it's probably bad for you!'

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

"Do you want to speak to the man in charge or the nurse who knows what's going on?"

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

The Big Book of Really Hard Surgery

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

"9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer."

"I suggest you take these pills on an empty stomach."

'Hey, what do you want from me? As a primary care physician, ALL I DO is prescribe drugs and refer you to specialists.'

'...Sure, I can tell you how to prevent getting old...You can lie about your age...You can smoke...And you can drive drunk...'

'I want to lose weight, Doctor.' - 'Eat less, then.' - 'I need it to be more complicated than that.' - 'Why?' - 'How can I justify failing if it's that simple, eh?!' - 'Gah. He's breaking me...' -

Oh, good - Looks like the doctor's in.

"It's cooties."

'He can't refer you to me... I referred you to him.'

'I had a stomach ache, so I took bicarb of soda and went to bed early. Did I do the right thing?'

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

Tipp-kick for brain surgeons.

"A specialist is a doctor with a smaller practice and a bigger home."

"Unbuckle your belt, Bob."

"Sorry, I had the hiccups."

'You have to chew your food: All this feeding-frenzy business is bad for your digestive system...'

"Take him home, have sex...Then bite his goddamn head off."

More priceless words of encouragement from the old man.

Have you tried drinking ?

"Yes, hello. I'm hoping you've found a cure for my hiccups...but I'm not holding my breath!"

'Is there ANY good news, Doctor?' 'Well, you don't need to worry about scraping by on a pension.'