Quirky Advice Seeker T-Shirts

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

Help for the passive-aggressive.

'...Sure, I can tell you how to prevent getting old...You can lie about your age...You can smoke...And you can drive drunk...'

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

"I'd leave him in your wardrobe until your husband goes out"

More priceless words of encouragement from the old man.

"Take him home, have sex...Then bite his goddamn head off."

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

"And if all else fails, wave your arms frantically."

'Where you went wrong' Desk.

"Well, you said you wanted something to remove spiders from the bath!"

COVID tips from Wild Animals

"My great-uncle Octavio always wore his hat in the house. That way, if bad company knocked on the door, he could say he was just leaving."

Recruitment Agency - Tips for getting that dream job.

Let's try something new, Al. I'll say a word, then you remain mercifully silent for the rest of the hour.

"You're on 'Ask Sadie.' What's your problem?!"

"We can work up to antidepressants, but for now I want to start you on eating a whole jar of cocktail olives over the kitchen sink."

"...and if your friends jumped off a cliff, would you jump off a cliff?"

"You owe us more than your house is worth. One of our depositors will be moving in with you to help even things out."

"Do not bury yourself alive if allergic to burying yourself alive."

'I'm screwed...'

Miss Lonelyhearts Advice to the Lovelorn

'No, no, the pills don't have any medication to improve your balance. You'll just get steadier on your feet by trying to catch pills that are thrown to you.'

'For best results, squeeze from the bottom.'

"Vending machine is junk. For $1.00 I'll beat on it for you."

We've had a lot of power cuts lately, but but don't worry we have a back up system.

Air fresheners being pumped into the city's sewers.

Have you tried drinking ?

Ask Sadie. Actual questions from actual readers! Send your questions to asksadie@rudypark.com. Dear Ask Sadie, I have encountered a "close-talker" at work who always stands about five or six inches from my face while talking to me. Unfortunately, this close-talker is my boss. How can I get her to stop doing this without shooting my career in the foot? - Charlotte in Austin. Excellent question. It takes me back. The year was 1938. I spent months tracking down the elusive grizzly bear of the Ozark

Psychiatrist with phrenology chart, reads bumps on head.

"How about wearing heavier shoes?"

"Stop the barking .50"

The high fibre diet

"But the tax evasion did bring me happiness."

'It's freezing up here - I'm half naked - and you want MY advice?'