Doctor Appointment Funny Gifts

'He can't refer you to me... I referred you to him.'

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

'A little more relaxant I think, nurse.'

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

'Dr. Federson has performed this procedure so many times, he could do it blindfolded with one hand tied behind his back. Show him, doctor.'

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

'No, you don't have hemorrhoids. You have a case of himorrhoids, has your husband been a pain in the butt, lately?'

What goes up must come down, except for your cholesterol, apparently.

"Do you want to speak to the man in charge or the nurse who knows what's going on?"

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

"9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer."

'I should warn you, I charge double if you want me to examine both of them, Mrs. Jacobs.'

'Hey, what do you want from me? As a primary care physician, ALL I DO is prescribe drugs and refer you to specialists.'

Oh, good - Looks like the doctor's in.

"It's cooties."

'Nurse, has the staff been eating in pre-op again? There's mayonnaise on the scalpel.'

'I had a stomach ache, so I took bicarb of soda and went to bed early. Did I do the right thing?'

Outingpatient

Tipp-kick for brain surgeons.

'I'm pretty sure that you have something that is difficult to pronounce.'

"A specialist is a doctor with a smaller practice and a bigger home."

'You have to chew your food: All this feeding-frenzy business is bad for your digestive system...'

'What's your husband's intolerance ?'

'...Next place goes to the lady for 200 euros!'

"I don't understand. I gave up smoking two years ago."

"Yes, hello. I'm hoping you've found a cure for my hiccups...but I'm not holding my breath!"

'Is there ANY good news, Doctor?' 'Well, you don't need to worry about scraping by on a pension.'

"And if you'll kindly relax your spinchter I'll be happy to write a prescription for that inflamed prostate."

'How long has it been since you gave up smoking?'

'You can discuss sexual failure with me Mr Harmsworth, I'm trained not to laugh.'

We've discovered this cures hypochondria without even having to inject it...!

What you have is not serious. It would only be serious if I had it.

'You've got six months to live -- but on the plus side they're naming the disease after me.'

'If it looks good and it tastes good, it's probably bad for you!'