Medical Office Comedy Gifts

'...Next place goes to the lady for 200 euros!'

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"I just haven't been feeling very omnipotent lately."

'Restless Peg Syndrome.'

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

'What do you mean you're the new Paediatric Specialist?'

'Whatever it is, you've got it bad and that ain't good.'

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

"Last week on 'Top Surgeon' Erica won immunity, while Carl was sent home for killing his patient during routine gallbladder surgery."

"I think you're suffering from nostalgia, Mr. Prentice."

"We did our best for your husband but his poor old health insurance was too weak..."

'Turn the other cheek, reverend.'

A mosquito cleaning the surface of a person's arm before sucking out the blood.

"Now, now, relax. All you're gonna feel is a quick jab."

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

'Just another couple of pages.'

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

'Why do you people always wait a week or two before seeking medical help?

Doctors often have to reassure the worried well.

When he got the wrong medication, no one would own up to it. They were real good at covering their own butts.

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet.

"There are some things medical science cannot explain...like where the hell our health care system is heading."

'The good news is that new medicine cleared up the spots, but...'

'Give Mr. Fogarty his testosterone injection, Nurse, and then run like the dickens!'

'When you said I had to come in for a scan, this isn't what I had in mind.'

"I know we're supposed to get rid of 'superbugs', but ours is the only one that understands the IT systems!"

'I diagnosed you with THAT? Whoa! You patients really need to be more involved with your healthcare!'

'Maintenance to the O.R....Maintenance to the O.R....'