Medical Comedy Gifts

'Despite all these changes in modern society, a prolapse is still a prolapse.'

Save the bacon,

"Last week on 'Top Surgeon' Erica won immunity, while Carl was sent home for killing his patient during routine gallbladder surgery."

'Restless Peg Syndrome.'

'When you said I had to come in for a scan, this isn't what I had in mind.'

"How's the wife with unpleasant surprises?"

"Of course, I was wearing face masks before they became popular. . ."

'Your insurance shows you're covered, but I want to run a few tests just to make sure.'

'Whatever it is, you've got it bad and that ain't good.'

L'Hopital

"If anyone has a question do not hesitate to open your mouth wide up."

'No, no... I said your wife has multiple organisms... not orgasms! This is not a good thing.'

'I diagnosed you with THAT? Whoa! You patients really need to be more involved with your healthcare!'

'I want a woman doctor, and no, I won't settle for a crossdresser!'

'Maintenance to the O.R....Maintenance to the O.R....'

'Take 2 of these pills last thing at night. And 2 if you wake up in the morning.'

A mosquito cleaning the surface of a person's arm before sucking out the blood.

'Your hospital bill is $8437.00, plus $350.00 for not wearing clean underwear when you were brought in.'

"I'm going to have to draw some blood."

Ice Cream Surgeon

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

PSA Banter.

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

Happy Birthday to you.

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."