Comedy In Medicine Gifts

'Urology...can you hold?'

'I tell them it's for a patient in the next room and they don't complain about their shot.'

Ice Cream Surgeon

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

PSA Banter.

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

'That was creepy. They ran short on cadavers, so we operated on the dean of students.'

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

"I just haven't been feeling very omnipotent lately."

'You have an enlarged funny bone.'

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

World Cup Fever

"Right here is your baby’s infrastructure, and in a month or so we’ll be able to see the analytics."

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

Doctor to patient: 'While I'm back here, let's try a little something I learned when I was a ventriloquist.'

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'If it doesn't itch, why worry?'

'Restless Peg Syndrome.'

'No, I'm sorry, Danny. I'm afraid your dad won't be able to shoot laser beams from his eyes after surgery.'

"I like when we get organ transplants from New York because they always throw in a dozen bagels."

'Whatever it is, you've got it bad and that ain't good.'

You can relax now.