Medical Comedy Fan Gifts

'You've got it. Don't flaunt it. You'll spread it.'

'Our defibrillator paddles are broken! Stick his hands in this toaster!'

"Listen up, my fine people, and I'll sing you a song, 'bout a brave neurosurgeon who done something wrong."

'That pest in 453 is being discharged.'

'Doctor, I don't think the five-second rule applies to transplant organs.'

"Now it's broken."

"This asks if I have "excessive gas". What constitutes "excessive?"

'Please inform all of your visitors that video tape of your endoscopy is available in the gift shop.'

"There has been a sharp increase in his cantankerousness."

'How could I be retaining water? -- I only drink beer.'

'Will this prescription interact with the meds already in my drinking water?'

'The good news it the Biopsy was negative. The better news is my pants stay up like a dream now.'

'With a few years of physical therapy, I think there's a good possibility that you could get a job as a paperweight!'

'Oh Franklin!'

"Oops, forgot... I also have REALLY high blood pressure."

'Your tests came back. . . bad news. Not only did we find a lump, you are a lump. . .'

"I do hope you've got enough for a sample, Mr Furse."

"Take me! After 15 minutes of cell phone chatter and day-time TV, a colonoscopy will be a relief!"

'I'm going on vacation so here are a few prescriptions for a laxative, decongestant, antacid, analgesic, and antidepressant to tide you over.'

"Is E.Bowler here?"

"If you need a nurse urgently then I've got some numbers here for Warsaw Lisbon and Gdańsk."

"The test results have come back - you ARE a t**t."

'We've got your test results back...'

'You're doing great! In a few days, I think you'll be strong enough to eat hospital food!'

'Not only did he make a house call, he also brought flowers and candy.'

'I keep hearing a buzzing in my ears.'

Man on left - 'How did your pig stomach transplant work out?' Man on right - 'Oink!'

Worse case of chicken pox I've ever seen!

"How long do you have? I'll have to talk fast..."

'If you won't help me lose forty pounds, I'll find a doctor that will.'

"Try and get some rest and in a week or two we'll put your brain back in."

'Luckily, it doesn't look too serious.'

It's a new medical reality show, do you mind?

"I'll need to run some tests, but you have all the symptoms of being a day older."

'Sorry, sir, but your health insurance doesn't cover a real doctor. I'm a struggling actor who plays one.'