Joke Doctor Gifts

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

Lactose Intolerant

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

Virtual Doctor

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

'Don't worry about your heart - it will last you till the end of your days. . .!'

Hypochondria Hospital

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

Heart Rate, Respiration, Insurance Remaining.

"Do you want to speak to the man in charge or the nurse who knows what's going on?"

'Two scalpels and a nurses hat are missing...'

Why dogs are not hired to do bone scans

Be careful how you unwrap it I think it MIGHT be his stool sample!

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

I like a lot of witnesses around.

"I'm Dr. Fenton. I'll be performing your microsurgery today."

Patient charts

"Hey Frank, how was your colonoscopy?" "In and out."

Tinnitus.

'Hey, what do you want from me? As a primary care physician, ALL I DO is prescribe drugs and refer you to specialists.'

Chiropodist is wearing a gas mask while treating a client.

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mister Kane...You've got 'Shingles'.'

"I'm not really a doctor. I'm a placebo."

"It's weeder's elbow."

'Good grief. I think your body rejected your cornea transplant.'

"While I'm not an internist...I'd say you coughed up your small intestines!"

'One of the side effects of this medication is it gives people the urge to operate heavy machinery.'