Joking Medic Gifts

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

Virtual Doctor

Happy Birthday to you.

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

'The doctor will acknowlege your existance now.'

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

'Long shift?'

'Time for your pills.'

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

"Gross."

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

Why you shouldn't date an anesthesiologist.

"Turn your head and cough."

'Take two and call me from the Emergency room.'

'You can tell your grandkids, you rode the most expensive vehicle on Earth!'

"It appears your anus transplant has rejected you..."

"Darn it, lost another swab."

"No, your tonsils are fine. It's all the rest of you that's knackered!"

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

'I think we should cut back on the tranquilizers.'

Mobile Operations Stand.

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

'You don't need a colonoscopy, but I'm sending you for one because, quite frankly, I don't like you.'