Medical Joke Teller Gifts

'Your medical insurance only covers laughter, which they say is the best medicine. So, a man, a dog, and a cat walk into a bar...'

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

Virtual Doctor

Dog forced to return bone

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

'Hey, this guy's been operated on before!'

Hypochondria Hospital

'Don't worry about your heart - it will last you till the end of your days. . .!'

'Where does it hurt?'

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

"Do you want to speak to the man in charge or the nurse who knows what's going on?"

Heart Rate, Respiration, Insurance Remaining.

'You need a heart transplant, maybe two.'

'Two scalpels and a nurses hat are missing...'

Why dogs are not hired to do bone scans

"I'm Dr. Fenton. I'll be performing your microsurgery today."

Be careful how you unwrap it I think it MIGHT be his stool sample!

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

'The good news is that you look good. The bad news is that you're not as good as you look.'

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

I like a lot of witnesses around.

Patient charts

'Will the results of this probe be sent to my gastroenterologist?'

"Hey Frank, how was your colonoscopy?" "In and out."

Tinnitus.

'Hey, what do you want from me? As a primary care physician, ALL I DO is prescribe drugs and refer you to specialists.'