Medical Joke Teller Gifts

'Your medical insurance only covers laughter, which they say is the best medicine. So, a man, a dog, and a cat walk into a bar...'

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

Virtual Doctor

Dog forced to return bone

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

Cardiologist Henry Weil like to add some levity before surgery by hiding a whoopee cushion on the operating table.

'Hey, this guy's been operated on before!'

'Dr. Federson has performed this procedure so many times, he could do it blindfolded with one hand tied behind his back. Show him, doctor.'

'Don't worry about your heart - it will last you till the end of your days. . .!'

There aren't any serious side effects — just an occasional Elvis sighting.

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

Hypochondria Hospital

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

'Where does it hurt?'

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

'No, you don't have hemorrhoids. You have a case of himorrhoids, has your husband been a pain in the butt, lately?'

Heart Rate, Respiration, Insurance Remaining.

"Do you want to speak to the man in charge or the nurse who knows what's going on?"

'Two scalpels and a nurses hat are missing...'

'You need a heart transplant, maybe two.'

Why dogs are not hired to do bone scans

"I'm Dr. Fenton. I'll be performing your microsurgery today."

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

Be careful how you unwrap it I think it MIGHT be his stool sample!

I like a lot of witnesses around.

'The good news is that you look good. The bad news is that you're not as good as you look.'

Patient charts

'Will the results of this probe be sent to my gastroenterologist?'

"Hey Frank, how was your colonoscopy?" "In and out."

Tinnitus.