Medical Joke Enthusiasts Gifts

Catch 72

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

Happy Birthday to you.

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

Dog forced to return bone

'The doctor says he's going to have to give you a few more tests...'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

Operating Room Humor. Why are anesthesiologists assumed to be honest? Because numb-ers don't lie!

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

'Time for your pills.'

'The doctor will acknowlege your existance now.'

"Gross."

'Long shift?'

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

Why you shouldn't date an anesthesiologist.

"Turn your head and cough."

'Take two and call me from the Emergency room.'

'You can tell your grandkids, you rode the most expensive vehicle on Earth!'

"No, your tonsils are fine. It's all the rest of you that's knackered!"

"Darn it, lost another swab."

"It appears your anus transplant has rejected you..."

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

Mobile Operations Stand.

'I think we should cut back on the tranquilizers.'

'You don't need a colonoscopy, but I'm sending you for one because, quite frankly, I don't like you.'

'Is there a chance you will die under the anaesthetic? Well, that is the killer question.'