Fan Of Medical Jokes Gifts

'What's that noise?'

'Under 'sexual orientation' I'll just put 'dirty old man.''

"I'm Dr. Fenton. I'll be performing your microsurgery today."

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

"All my symptoms are old ... "

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

'Who wants to be examined first?'

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

"I think it stopped breathing."

Happy Birthday to you.

Dog forced to return bone

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

'The doctor says he's going to have to give you a few more tests...'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

Operating Room Humor. Why are anesthesiologists assumed to be honest? Because numb-ers don't lie!

"The patient in 12-C needs comforting."

'Time for your pills.'

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

"My first night in the lab and I was clearly the smallest brain in the place."

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

"Gross."

'The doctor will acknowlege your existance now.'

'Long shift?'

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."