Health Joke Teller Gifts

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

'Side effects may include....'

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

'I understand you know how to treat a woman.'

Groups of menopausal women in clinic.

"While you were under, I had all your friends come in and sign your heart stent."

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

'I just came back from the allergist. I'm allergic to life.'

'I'm sending you to see another doctor, he's a specialist in hyperchondria.'

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

'We can't afford advertising like this! That's one page for the drug and two just for the side effects!'

NHS notice - This is a bring your own bed hospital

'If you're into preparing healthy meals then I recommend the apricot brandy. It contains the antioxidant beta carotene.'

'Yes doctor, it did hurt when you did that!'

"My doctor told me to get outdoors more, so now I put on more yard sales."

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

"I didn't even get a balloon."

Maintenance & Repairs. No wonder health care is so expensive, they told me to take to tablets every four hours.

"You're in the "Stone Age." You've got kidney stones, gall stones, and bladder stones."

'Hey, Lori! Take a look at Mr. Geckler's EKG!'

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

'Yes, it is a carrot. You haven't been getting enough fibre.'

'When I die could you preserve my liver for medical research? You've done that already.'

'Key hole surgery....but wouldn't it be easier if you were actually in the room with me...'

According to your chart, your leg is a pre-existing condition, Mr. Fusco. My entire body is a pre-existing condition, Doctor. (This cartoon was originally published on 2010-08-12).

"But doc, I can't understand what my body is telling me. It's mouth is always full!"

'It's quite common with men your age. You've got a silver duct tapeworm.'

'Pistachio ice cream does not cpont as a serving of greens.'

"I just want to know if I'm healthy enough for bacon?"

"The answer isn't more troops—what you need is an antibiotic."