Health Joke Appreciator Gifts

'Are you sure sitting on a bean bag chair isn't considered getting a daily requirement of vegetables?'

'It hurts when I cackle!'

Nightmares donuts have.

"Yoga for hangovers"

Notice in field - Catch your own swine fever.

"Would a test have told us if my goldfish had coronavirus?"

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

'Side effects may include....'

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

'I've got this feeling, like a heavy weight on my stomach.'

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

Hypochondria Hospital

Groups of menopausal women in clinic.

"While you were under, I had all your friends come in and sign your heart stent."

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

NHS notice - This is a bring your own bed hospital

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

'I just came back from the allergist. I'm allergic to life.'

'I'm sending you to see another doctor, he's a specialist in hyperchondria.'

'We can't afford advertising like this! That's one page for the drug and two just for the side effects!'

'If you're into preparing healthy meals then I recommend the apricot brandy. It contains the antioxidant beta carotene.'

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

"Looks like you both suffer from IBS. You...irritable bowel. Your friend...irritable burl."

'Yes doctor, it did hurt when you did that!'

"You're in the "Stone Age." You've got kidney stones, gall stones, and bladder stones."

"I didn't even get a balloon."

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

'Yes, it is a carrot. You haven't been getting enough fibre.'