Doctor's Office Jokester Gifts

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

Virtual Doctor

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

Cardiologist Henry Weil like to add some levity before surgery by hiding a whoopee cushion on the operating table.

"I think you're suffering from nostalgia, Mr. Prentice."

There aren't any serious side effects — just an occasional Elvis sighting.

'Dr. Federson has performed this procedure so many times, he could do it blindfolded with one hand tied behind his back. Show him, doctor.'

'Don't worry about your heart - it will last you till the end of your days. . .!'

"I am not the famous heart surgeon, but I am in his medical group."

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

'No, you don't have hemorrhoids. You have a case of himorrhoids, has your husband been a pain in the butt, lately?'

What goes up must come down, except for your cholesterol, apparently.

Heart Rate, Respiration, Insurance Remaining.

"Do you want to speak to the man in charge or the nurse who knows what's going on?"

'Two scalpels and a nurses hat are missing...'

Why dogs are not hired to do bone scans

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

Be careful how you unwrap it I think it MIGHT be his stool sample!

Patient charts

"Hey Frank, how was your colonoscopy?" "In and out."

'Hey, what do you want from me? As a primary care physician, ALL I DO is prescribe drugs and refer you to specialists.'

'House calls?...Dr. Latrobe doesn't even make phone calls!'

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mister Kane...You've got 'Shingles'.'

'How's the new pacemaker.'

GP say 10 minute surgery is not long enough

'One of the side effects of this medication is it gives people the urge to operate heavy machinery.'

"I'm not really a doctor. I'm a placebo."

"Wow, at last! Somebody who's really ill."

'Perhaps we should start off with an underwear transplant.'

Spock visits the Orthopedics