Doctor's Office Jokester Gifts

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

Virtual Doctor

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

'Don't worry about your heart - it will last you till the end of your days. . .!'

"I think you're suffering from nostalgia, Mr. Prentice."

"I am not the famous heart surgeon, but I am in his medical group."

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

Heart Rate, Respiration, Insurance Remaining.

"Do you want to speak to the man in charge or the nurse who knows what's going on?"

'Two scalpels and a nurses hat are missing...'

Why dogs are not hired to do bone scans

Be careful how you unwrap it I think it MIGHT be his stool sample!

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

Patient charts

"Hey Frank, how was your colonoscopy?" "In and out."

'Hey, what do you want from me? As a primary care physician, ALL I DO is prescribe drugs and refer you to specialists.'

'House calls?...Dr. Latrobe doesn't even make phone calls!'

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mister Kane...You've got 'Shingles'.'

GP say 10 minute surgery is not long enough

"It's weeder's elbow."

'One of the side effects of this medication is it gives people the urge to operate heavy machinery.'

'How's the new pacemaker.'

'Perhaps we should start off with an underwear transplant.'

"I'm not really a doctor. I'm a placebo."

"Wow, at last! Somebody who's really ill."