Doctor's Office Satirist Gifts

"It's a simple stress test - I do your blood work, send it to the lab, and never get back to you with the results."

"There's no co-pay this time. The doctor really wasn't paying attention."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

Providing Healthcare For All

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

Virtual Doctor

'I think it's damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

Saline Drip Sommelier.

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

"We've combine the recovery area with the gift shop... just in case your visitors want to pick up a little souvenir."

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

'There is a drug for Hypochondria... but the side-effects may actually make you sick!'

'As you know, medical costs have skyrocketed -- that'll be fifty cents.'

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

"According to your brain scan, you just don't want to go back to work."

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

Auto parts, Lite Puff Pastries, & Health Insurance Exchange.

'The doctors say I have a rare illness that turns people into birds - it's untweetable.'

'You can tell your grandkids, you rode the most expensive vehicle on Earth!'

'Take one of these three times a day until you start to feel better.'

'The food here isn't too bad, just try not to swallow !'

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

Healthcare workers come to the N.H.S. Fancy dress party dressed as viruses.

Scary Halloween ICD-10 codes.

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

What the patient heard and what the doctor meant to convey.

NHS/Private Eye Care.

'Excuse me, sir. Could you spare $2000,000 to treat an uninsurable pre-existing condition?'

"Of course I believe in unions - Where do you think we doctors would be without the A.M.A.?"