Doctor-patient Satire Gifts

"It's not looking good. You should probably just move on."

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

Virtual Doctor

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

Saline Drip Sommelier.

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

'There is a drug for Hypochondria... but the side-effects may actually make you sick!'

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

"We've combine the recovery area with the gift shop... just in case your visitors want to pick up a little souvenir."

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

"According to your brain scan, you just don't want to go back to work."

"I feel your pain level."

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

Dr. Flagg's Worst Nightmare

Healthcare workers come to the N.H.S. Fancy dress party dressed as viruses.

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'Don't worry. We still have a few more treatment options available.'

'I can't make you younger...odometer tampering is against the law.'

A sick sandwich is in the hospital and is getting a transfusion on new Maya and Zesty Mustard.

"Your test results are perfect and there is nothing wrong with you. We will operate on you for it tomorrow."

"Your test results are back. We're going to have to remove your appendix and your wallet."

'Pardon me, Doctor; but exactly where did you study anaesthesiology?'