Medical Satire Aficionado Gifts

'This 32 year-old male was admitted last night with fever, chills, nausea, sweating and severe abdominal pain.'

'Remind me, again, what we're doing here?'

'Don't look at me! You're meant to be discharged!'

'We've pin-pointed the cause of your pain... and I've also located the whereabouts of our missing scissors!'

'When you said I had to come in for a scan, this isn't what I had in mind.'

"If this doesn't help you don't worry, it's a placebo."

'I can still hear my doctor saying: 'That's harmless. You'll be well in no time!''

'The good news is THIS TIME he's coming out the other side!'

'Well, I don't know how to break the bad news to you, Mr. Jenson, but ...'

The monster was surprised to receive a medical bill from Dr. Frankenstein.

You have a low grade fever.

"Everything looked fine. We're just giving you a mild sedative before showing you the bill."

"I'm afraid that being a bobblehead does increase your risk for Restless Head Syndrome."

"I have some troubling news, Mr. Smithson. You're in my parking space."

"You'll like working here, but steer clear of the X-ray machine... it dates back to the 1950s..."

"The nurses and technicians did all they could – I just wasn't into it."

"I'm not sure what an extra strength placebo is!"

Flu Drugs.

'You're on benefits, Mr Scrote, I can't sign you off work - I can only sign you off LOOKING for work.'

'Don't worry... be happy.'

"I don't know... Three transplant ops cancelled and suddenly, liver's on the menu!"

"Ah, I see you requested a second opinion."

"We've fed him the heart of his conquered enemy; now all we can do is wait."

"What do you think is wrong with you and what do you think my fee should be?"

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Lactose Intolerant

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Virtual Doctor

'Hello, I'm Dr. Frank Stein and this is my anaesthetist, Dr. Ivan Gore. We'll be doing your hernia operation tomorrow.'

"How long were you in the waiting room?"

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"