Medical Satire Admirer Gifts

"Of course I'm listening to your expression of spiritual suffering. Don't you see me making eye contact, striking an open posture, leaning towards you and nodding emphatically."

"I can't find anything wrong with you - it must be the drink." "OK - come back when you're sober."

'You're not a wolverine. You're a werewolf.'

'Nurse... could I please have a drop more soda in my whiskey-drip?'

'Tough luck. It's our anaesthetist's day off!'

"Of course you can have some respect sir, but we don't treat wounded pride!"

Medical Check.

'I'm administering the anesthetic.'

Unusual surgery.

'I'm afraid your father is dead. Dead as a dodo.'

"Everybody freeze! This is a stickup!"

"Sorry, I don't like your opinion either, can I have a fifth?"

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Lactose Intolerant

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Virtual Doctor

'Hello, I'm Dr. Frank Stein and this is my anaesthetist, Dr. Ivan Gore. We'll be doing your hernia operation tomorrow.'

"How long were you in the waiting room?"

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

'Let me get this straight- you went to a GUY-ne-cologist, to discuss MEN-o-pause?'

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

Saline Drip Sommelier.

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

'There is a drug for Hypochondria... but the side-effects may actually make you sick!'

"We've combine the recovery area with the gift shop... just in case your visitors want to pick up a little souvenir."

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."