Medical Satire Appreciator Gifts

'A P.S. on his 'Do not resuscitate form: 'On second thought, resuscitate.''

"It's not a very good simile but you'll be like an evening spread out against the sky."

"On a scale of 1 to 10, how good is your insurance?"

"The doctor will see you now, Mrs. Perkins. Please try not to accept him."

"...I'll send you for an amniocentesis."

'Just as I suspected, you don't have a serious bone in your body.'

'Hello, I'm Dr. Frank Stein and this is my anaesthetist, Dr. Ivan Gore. We'll be doing your hernia operation tomorrow.'

"...and this one keeps my flatulence under control."

"Great news! Your prognosis is awful, but all the treatment options are billable."

"I don't know what this test is for, so I'm ordering it for yo out of curiosity."

"He can't be dead... he's going home tomorrow..."

"I am sorry, Mrs. Henshaw, but your husband has to be buried in the hazard waste deposit."

'And how are you this fine day Mr. Simkins?'

'There are consequences if someone on the floor doesn't wash their hands.'

Paramedics.

'My 'friend' has this problem, Doctor!'

'You carry a rabbit's foot — well, that explains the rabbit fever.'

'Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun.'

'Alright, six months - best I can do!'

'As for this growth, I'm honestly not sure if it's functional. But I suppose there's only one way to find out...'

Privatising the NHS: 'Pile 'em high and sell 'em cheap.'

Am I Coming Down With Something?

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Lactose Intolerant

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Virtual Doctor

"How long were you in the waiting room?"

'Let me get this straight- you went to a GUY-ne-cologist, to discuss MEN-o-pause?'

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

Saline Drip Sommelier.