Doctor's Office Chuckle Gifts

What goes up must come down, except for your cholesterol, apparently.

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

"I think you're suffering from nostalgia, Mr. Prentice."

"I am not the famous heart surgeon, but I am in his medical group."

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

'No, you don't have hemorrhoids. You have a case of himorrhoids, has your husband been a pain in the butt, lately?'

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

"Do you want to speak to the man in charge or the nurse who knows what's going on?"

Oh, good - Looks like the doctor's in.

'House calls?...Dr. Latrobe doesn't even make phone calls!'

'Perhaps we should start off with an underwear transplant.'

"Wow, at last! Somebody who's really ill."

Spock visits the Orthopedics

"It's a simple stress test - I do your blood work, send it to the lab, and never get back to you with the results."

'Nurse, has the staff been eating in pre-op again? There's mayonnaise on the scalpel.'

Outingpatient

"Sorry, I had the hiccups."

'I'm pretty sure that you have something that is difficult to pronounce.'

'Well, good morning Mr. Daniel, have a seat in our waiting room.'

"He's losing his will to pay!"

'I advise you to change doctors.'

'The target most GPs are looking for is one that gets rid of QOF targets.'

'...Next place goes to the lady for 200 euros!'

"Miss Bradley, would you bring in a Clean Bill of Health?"

"If I need to stop smoking and lose weight...what are you going to do about it?"

Visual gag (a small microsurgeon's office).

'Is there ANY good news, Doctor?' 'Well, you don't need to worry about scraping by on a pension.'

"And if you'll kindly relax your spinchter I'll be happy to write a prescription for that inflamed prostate."

'How long has it been since you gave up smoking?'

"I really like Dr. Jenkins, but he sure doesn't update his magazines very often."

"Give it to me straight, Doc. How long do I have to ignore your advice."

'It's a nasty little rash, nothing to worry about!'

"I had a fecal transplant, and my symptoms are gone. I want my $86,000 back.