Doctor's Office Chuckle Gifts

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

"I think you're suffering from nostalgia, Mr. Prentice."

"I am not the famous heart surgeon, but I am in his medical group."

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

"Do you want to speak to the man in charge or the nurse who knows what's going on?"

'House calls?...Dr. Latrobe doesn't even make phone calls!'

Oh, good - Looks like the doctor's in.

'Perhaps we should start off with an underwear transplant.'

"Wow, at last! Somebody who's really ill."

"It's a simple stress test - I do your blood work, send it to the lab, and never get back to you with the results."

'Nurse, has the staff been eating in pre-op again? There's mayonnaise on the scalpel.'

Outingpatient

'I'm pretty sure that you have something that is difficult to pronounce.'

'Well, good morning Mr. Daniel, have a seat in our waiting room.'

"He's losing his will to pay!"

"Sorry, I had the hiccups."

'The target most GPs are looking for is one that gets rid of QOF targets.'

'...Next place goes to the lady for 200 euros!'

"Miss Bradley, would you bring in a Clean Bill of Health?"

'I advise you to change doctors.'

"If I need to stop smoking and lose weight...what are you going to do about it?"

Visual gag (a small microsurgeon's office).

'Is there ANY good news, Doctor?' 'Well, you don't need to worry about scraping by on a pension.'

"And if you'll kindly relax your spinchter I'll be happy to write a prescription for that inflamed prostate."

"I really like Dr. Jenkins, but he sure doesn't update his magazines very often."

'How long has it been since you gave up smoking?'

"Give it to me straight, Doc. How long do I have to ignore your advice."

'It's a nasty little rash, nothing to worry about!'

"I had a fecal transplant, and my symptoms are gone. I want my $86,000 back.

'You can discuss sexual failure with me Mr Harmsworth, I'm trained not to laugh.'