Comical Patients Gifts

'You need an exercise program other than bar-hopping.'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

'A little more relaxant I think, nurse.'

'My doctor told me avoid any unnecessary stress, so I didn't visit him today.'

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

Jelly I.V.

"I don't think the crackling sound coming from your lower back is as serious as you thought. Just relax and I'll have this Rice Krispie Square out of your back pocket in no time."

"We did our best for your husband but his poor old health insurance was too weak..."

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet.

"There are some things medical science cannot explain...like where the hell our health care system is heading."

'I want to biopsy that growth, Mr. Johnson. I don't like the looks of it.'

"It's for his shakes."

Open Wide The Dentist's View.

"My Doctor said I needed more exercise so I jogged down to the donut shop."

"That's the hospital policy. Cashiers must be familiar with emergency shock treatment."

IV Bags: Main and Afters

'What are YOU doing here?'

Arm puncture...

"The procedure begins with a local anesthetic to your wallet."

'Stop telling people you're going to Heaven. The doctor said, 'Rupture.' You have a hernia!'

"A bit nervous.. It is your first euthanasia I presume."

"We need a doctuh!!!"

Well, I've examined your stool sample, Mrs. Newton and...

Vending Machine in Alternative Medicine Clinic

'I'm going to prescribe a sedative for those worry warts.'

"So are the results not very good?"

"My diagnosis is you have an arrow through your head, but to be safe, I'll order a series of tests."

God's secretary.

"I don't know what this test is for, so I'm ordering it for yo out of curiosity."