Doctor-patient Comedy Enthusiast Gifts

"Why don't I just tell you the treatments I'm willing to do and we'll assume I have whatever disease that's good for!"

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

'Everything is going to be fine, Mrs.Witzer...'

Medical Books - Lady Chatterley's Liver

'Hold it!'

Locum GP's to be paid for extra work on the BMA agreement

'Are you writing my symptoms, or is that your autobiography?'

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

'I think it's your colon. I came to that conclusion through the process of elimination.'

"Doctors, Gilby, Beam and Henson. Ears, nose and throat."

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

Surgery Instructions.

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

"Your EKG corresponds with the stock market report."

"The operation was a success. Thank goodness for YouTube videos!"

"They used to call them G.P.s."

"All good: This egg looks healthy as well..."

'I had this two years ago.'

"It'll have to stay on until your vasectomy heals..."

A diuretic! Are you sure about this?

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet.

"There are some things medical science cannot explain...like where the hell our health care system is heading."

'We've not met, but I'm your keyhole surgeon.'

"We've determined that it sucks to be you."

"If you don't feel better in a few days give me a call and I'll completely ignore you."

Grand rounds vs. ground rounds.

'Three, two, one. Stand clear.'

Ah. I knew you were going to say that. You people are so predictable.

"I'm saying we lash out for the 'Deluxe' collagen treatment, next time, honey."

"It's for his shakes."

'My speciality is referring patients to the right specialist.'

"Hey, how come no diplomas?" "Oh, I'm self-taught."

"Wow, at last! Somebody who's really ill."