Doctor-patient Comedy Enthusiast Gifts

"Why don't I just tell you the treatments I'm willing to do and we'll assume I have whatever disease that's good for!"

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

Medical Books - Lady Chatterley's Liver

'Are you writing my symptoms, or is that your autobiography?'

Locum GP's to be paid for extra work on the BMA agreement

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

'I think it's your colon. I came to that conclusion through the process of elimination.'

Surgery Instructions.

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

"Doctors, Gilby, Beam and Henson. Ears, nose and throat."

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

'I had this two years ago.'

"Your EKG corresponds with the stock market report."

"It'll have to stay on until your vasectomy heals..."

"All good: This egg looks healthy as well..."

"They used to call them G.P.s."

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet.

"There are some things medical science cannot explain...like where the hell our health care system is heading."

'We've not met, but I'm your keyhole surgeon.'

'Three, two, one. Stand clear.'

"We've determined that it sucks to be you."

Grand rounds vs. ground rounds.

"If you don't feel better in a few days give me a call and I'll completely ignore you."

"I'm saying we lash out for the 'Deluxe' collagen treatment, next time, honey."

'My speciality is referring patients to the right specialist.'

"Hey, how come no diplomas?" "Oh, I'm self-taught."

"It's for his shakes."

"That's the hospital policy. Cashiers must be familiar with emergency shock treatment."

"These aspirin are for me. That patient in room 102 is a real pain!"