Doctor-patient Joke Lover Gifts

"He's losing his will to pay!"

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

"You have ice water in your veins."

'I had this two years ago.'

'It's me, Jack Gurkenman! I'm your ophthalmologist with the broken left ankle, doctor!'

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

"I'm Dr. Fenton. I'll be performing your microsurgery today."

'Hey, what do you want from me? As a primary care physician, ALL I DO is prescribe drugs and refer you to specialists.'

GP say 10 minute surgery is not long enough

IV Bags: Main and Afters

'Your X-Rays are here. . . beautiful high-resolution!'

"My Doctor said I needed more exercise so I jogged down to the donut shop."

Neuro Surgery. Staff only. Sorry, that took longer than I expected --- He has a lot of nerve!

'Nurse, has the staff been eating in pre-op again? There's mayonnaise on the scalpel.'

'What's that noise?'

GALLSTONE SPECIALIST: This too shall pass

"A specialist is a doctor with a smaller practice and a bigger home."

"Ah-ah-ah! - Just one symptom per customer!"

"And there's a surcharge if you insist on annoying the doctor with any self-diagnosis you found on google."

'Our employees are seeing doctors less now we've started hiring quacks.'

Man not charged enough for first opinion.

Yes, by all means, Mr. Fusco, feel free to seek out a second opinion

"I'm going to send you to someone who's not afraid of doing a little harm."

"The bad news is you do have a lump the size of a golf ball. The good news is my tests indicate it's just a golf ball."

"It's the age of the specialist. In fact five out of six doctors recommend another doctor."

'Yes, I could 'take a wild guess', but I think I'll do some tests.'

"Don't panic. I'm just a sore throat."

"Why don't I just tell you the treatments I'm willing to do and we'll assume I have whatever disease that's good for!"

'It's a nasty little rash, nothing to worry about!'

'You can discuss sexual failure with me Mr Harmsworth, I'm trained not to laugh.'

We've discovered this cures hypochondria without even having to inject it...!

'Perhaps I was a bit TOO graphic in explaining the surgical procedure.'