Doctor-patient Banter Aficionado Gifts

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

Medical Books - Lady Chatterley's Liver

'Hold it!'

'Are you writing my symptoms, or is that your autobiography?'

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

Locum GP's to be paid for extra work on the BMA agreement

'I think it's your colon. I came to that conclusion through the process of elimination.'

Surgery Instructions.

"Doctors, Gilby, Beam and Henson. Ears, nose and throat."

"It'll have to stay on until your vasectomy heals..."

"Your EKG corresponds with the stock market report."

"All good: This egg looks healthy as well..."

A diuretic! Are you sure about this?

'I had this two years ago.'

"They used to call them G.P.s."

It was only Monday...but Dr Davies knew that it was going to be a long...long week...

'We've not met, but I'm your keyhole surgeon.'

"I'm saying we lash out for the 'Deluxe' collagen treatment, next time, honey."

"We've determined that it sucks to be you."

"If you don't feel better in a few days give me a call and I'll completely ignore you."

'It's me, Jack Gurkenman! I'm your ophthalmologist with the broken left ankle, doctor!'

"Take two of these and call my answering service in the morning."

Ah. I knew you were going to say that. You people are so predictable.

"You have natural causes.''

'Three, two, one. Stand clear.'

Grand rounds vs. ground rounds.

'My speciality is referring patients to the right specialist.'

"Hey, how come no diplomas?" "Oh, I'm self-taught."

Circus doctor.

Neuro Surgery. Staff only. Sorry, that took longer than I expected --- He has a lot of nerve!

Your numerous prescriptions really have improved my love life. I'm dating my pharmacist.

Dentists who do appendectomies.

"Wow, at last! Somebody who's really ill."