Medical Banter Lover Gifts

"Donald is an appendicitis survivor, too."

'You're lucky -- all I have is a PRACTICAL nurse.'

'Actually I was rather looking forward to a BLANKET bath!'

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

Happy Birthday to you.

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

'The doctor says he's going to have to give you a few more tests...'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

'Time for your pills.'

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

'Long shift?'

'The doctor will acknowlege your existance now.'

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

"Gross."

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

Operating Room Humor. Why are anesthesiologists assumed to be honest? Because numb-ers don't lie!

"I feel your pain level."

'Quick, do a background search and see if this doctor passed his boards!'

Brian surgeon squeezing brains from a tube.

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

'Restless Peg Syndrome.'

"Turn your head and cough."