Medical Banter Lover Gifts

"Donald is an appendicitis survivor, too."

'You're lucky -- all I have is a PRACTICAL nurse.'

'Actually I was rather looking forward to a BLANKET bath!'

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

Happy Birthday to you.

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

'The doctor will acknowlege your existance now.'

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

'Time for your pills.'

'Long shift?'

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

"Gross."

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

"I feel your pain level."

'Quick, do a background search and see if this doctor passed his boards!'

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

Brian surgeon squeezing brains from a tube.

'Restless Peg Syndrome.'

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

"Turn your head and cough."

Why you shouldn't date an anesthesiologist.