Patient Care Humorist Gifts

"I don't know what this test is for, so I'm ordering it for yo out of curiosity."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Ice Cream Surgeon

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"The first one's just a warning."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"Would you please step back to the machine while I make an adjustment?"

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

Vlad the Inhaler

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

Cardiac Recovery.

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

Robodoc... the NHS surgeon of the future.

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

"I won't stick my tongue out. You told me it was rude."

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"